alone with fresh pasta

There are not many nights I eat alone. Not because I have friends. Let me assure you: I do not have friends.  Making friends is another project I can describe to you later. It is a full time job that I take seriously. Look at my planner and cringe at the Amateur Volleyball League, Bible Study, Practical Anarchy Book Club, Crafting Social Circle, and Community Garden meetings. I am trying to connect with one person in each group, really broadening my social circle and giving what I like to call, depth. Variety perhaps. 

Tonight I am eating alone, and since it is a rare thing for me not to be on a date...solitude at dinner time has developed into something I treasure. Why does it feel so good? First of all, there is the silence. It's a silence that is intimate and encourages introspective thoughts. I spend time hearing patterns of the rain, the squeak of the fan, and the rhythm of the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. With this silence, they are not droning or elements of white noise but special and something of focus. Tonight: fresh spinach pasta with butter garlic and fresh parsley. Smell the gas as it clicks and catches. Water takes too long to boil, and I don't care. The salt shaker breaks while trying to make sea water for my pasta, and I don't care. 

Through these sounds, at the table I can quietly absorb nuanced feelings of the heat from the hot pasta start to increase my temperature. I start to sweat. How each red pepper flake reacts in stinging my tongue, and how heat is dissimilated by the creaminess of the sauce again. This is cyclic and calming and a rather pleasurable eating experience. 

There is a freedom that comes with eating alone. It is the freedom that makes a good party a great party: the feeling that there are no rules. I can take bites with four bowties and choke, gulp. I can eat as slowly as possible, feeling the moment as deeply as I can. What I like to do is break all the rules. I don't even realize there are rules to eating until I am alone and can break them. My legs are in the chair, one up, one dangling. No pants. Set the table to make it feel special knowing no one is coming over. No one. Dirty too many dishes. Drink old coffee. Flop on plate presentation. Use an inappropriate amount of butter. And ultimately cause an unknown amount of debauchery and chaos in the respective dining area. But my favorite indulgence of all, the biggest baddest error of all is to be able to leave my dishes on the table and walk away. Walk away! Damn, that feels good. These are the feelings your guests need to be entitled to, must be entitled to. Anyone who has broken these rules knows it feels like royalty. 

fresh spinach pasta with garlic and parsley

fresh spinach pasta, bowties

1 garlic clove, minced

3 tablespoons butter

1 tablespoon salted pasta water

salt and pepper

dash of red pepper flakes 

4 tablespoons parsley 

cook fresh pasta for 3-4 minutes, maximum. when it floats to the top, it's done. drain and toss while piping hot with the rest of ingredients. eat when comfort is needed.